Embracing Change: How I Discovered a New Approach to Parenting

What if the parenting advice you've followed all along is actually holding you back from connecting with your child?

The Journey to Mindful and Contact Parenting

Before I became a mother, I considered myself to be adequately educated and over-informed. However, nothing could have prepared me for the revelations that followed the birth of my child. Like many expectant parents, my husband and I had plans in place—we wanted our baby to sleep with us because it felt natural. I also intended to breastfeed but had no idea how long I would continue or how deeply it would shape all of us. Looking back, we had so many plans for details that now seem insignificant in comparison to what really matters when you become a parent.

As our daughter was born with low birth weight, we diligently followed the doctors' advice. They instructed us to weigh her regularly and feed her every two hours. While this seemed necessary at the time, it soon became evident that the routine conflicted with the natural rhythms of both mother and child. In hindsight, I realize how much we forced ourselves into an artificial schedule, straying from what felt instinctive.

At the time, I didn’t realize how much I was forcing a schedule over our natural needs.

The Nursing Strike: A Turning Point

I continued to fit my previous life into the structure of caring for a newborn, but it wasn’t long before my baby made it clear things had to change. At around four months, she began to resist breastfeeding altogether—a "nursing strike," as it’s called. It was a terrifying turning point. Imagine your tiny baby refusing all food and fluids, unable to feed in any way, and already considered too small for her age. My carefully constructed feeding and sleep schedules no longer worked.

Nursing strikes are one of the most stressful challenges for a breastfeeding mother.

Realizing My Baby’s Needs: The Shift to Flexibility

Of course, I asked people around me—those who had breastfed before—but no one could really offer me a solution. Advice like "Maybe she’s not hungry" just didn’t feel right. When your healthy baby refuses food all day, it’s a clear sign something isn’t right.

I contacted a lactation consultant and her guidance marked a turning point for me. She gently introduced me to a more natural, contact-centered parenting approach, something I had brushed aside before, convinced I needed my own routine. She was very gentle and indirect with her advice, offering subtle suggestions on how to improve the situation. Looking back, I might have preferred more direct instructions—something like, "Change this, do this differently." But that wasn’t her style, and I respect that. It just meant the process took longer for me, as I had to figure out many things on my own. However, thanks to this, I grew the most, created my own approach, and, with her support, she helped shift our lives in a new direction. It became clear that I needed to be even more flexible with my routines to provide the closeness that’s so instinctive for a newborn.

Letting Go of Schedules to Embrace Natural Parenting

The initial transition was overwhelming. I had to let go of the rigid feeding schedule based on hours instead of my baby’s actual needs and begin breastfeeding on demand. The only way to help my daughter receive the nourishment she needed was to seize moments when she was half asleep to nurse. This meant staying close to her throughout the day and night, making it impossible to leave her in a crib in another room. It's a practice that feels deeply natural to humankind, yet so at odds with the norms of today's society.

Tools for Connection: Baby-Wearing and Support

My husband’s support throughout this parenting journey has been invaluable. While I’m sharing my personal development here, it’s important to acknowledge that I couldn’t have managed it to this extent without his presence and encouragement. For example, I vividly remember the moment I thought I would have to say goodbye to breastfeeding. Despite following the advice of the lactation consultant, I hadn’t seen much progress after several days. My baby’s latch was still not ideal, and I felt demotivated and frustrated. As I nursed her, I told myself that this might be the last time, and the thought filled me with deep sadness—I saw it as a personal failure. At that moment, my husband gently reminded me, “But what else can we do? She doesn’t know how to take in food any other way yet. She can’t drink from a bottle, and she’s not ready to feed from a spoon.” That encouragement gave me the strength to keep going, and I’m happy to say—I’m still breastfeeding to this day. 😉

We found tools like baby-wearing essential as they allowed me to stay close to my daughter while meeting her needs. Slowly but surely, she began breastfeeding more easily. The connection between us grew stronger as I let go of the schedule and followed her cues.

It took almost five months to fully emerge from the nursing strike. The real game-changer came when she was finally able to breastfeed while sitting on my lap, which provided both comfort and convenience.

The more I followed her cues, the more everything fell into place naturally.

Finding Balance: A New Normal in Parenting

These changes didn’t come easily, but they brought a much-needed sense of peace and connection. Over time, our family adjusted and embraced this new approach. No longer focused on rigid schedules or unnecessary interventions, we prioritized connection, respect, and trust. This journey eventually led us to adopt respectful parenting principles, a natural extension of what we had already begun.

Building Trust Through Respectful Parenting

Learning to trust my daughter’s needs, rather than imposing my own expectations, became the foundation of our approach. We began to parent based on connection rather than control, and the results were profound.

What I Learned from This Journey

Looking back, I realize there’s no one-size-fits-all approach to parenting, but there are a few key principles that worked for us:

• Trust your instincts: What feels right for you and your child often is, even if it goes against societal norms or expectations.

• Embrace change: Parenting will challenge your beliefs, and it’s okay to adapt and evolve as you go, even when it feels difficult. For us, the nursing strike was the catalyst that made it clear our previous approach simply wasn’t working.

• Creating your own parenting style: Parenting is a unique experience for every family. What works for one family may not work for another. The key is to stay open, curious, and always trust the bond between you and your child.

• Seek the right support: Whether it’s a lactation consultant, or fellow parents, surround yourself with people who understand and respect your journey.

Remember, it’s never too late to make a shift toward a more intuitive and connected parenting style.

Motherhood is an evolving journey, and sometimes, your child will guide you toward the best path.

What’s Next in My Journey with Conscious Parenting?

The long-term benefits I’ve experienced, both in myself and my child, have inspired me to share this journey in more depth. If this resonates with you, stay tuned—I'll be sharing more details about how we’ve integrated these parenting principles into our lives, along with resources like books, podcasts, and advice from experts that helped me along the way.

Do you know why breastfeeding is so important?

Have you experienced a nursing strike, or faced a similar situation where your baby refused to feed?

I’d love to hear your thoughts.